


It Could've Been Me

by DragonDetective



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Comfort, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-07 06:36:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19203910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonDetective/pseuds/DragonDetective
Summary: A mid-summer festival stirs up excitement in Moominvalley, but Moominpappa finds himself wishing he hadn't come.





	1. Preparations

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Too Little, Too Late](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19191529) by [DigitalThespian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalThespian/pseuds/DigitalThespian). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Moomin family gets ready to go to the festival.

The sky was blue and clouds were sparse, the sun rising slowly in the sky and warming the valley below it. Moomintroll and Moominmamma worked together in the kitchen, making dough and frostings, drinks and all sorts of food. Their work was anything but quiet, chattering amongst themselves while Moominpappa sat at the dining room table just a room away, surrounded by what little remained of the family’s breakfast and shuffling through his, still incomplete, book of memoirs.

The family was preparing for a mid-summer festival that was to happen that evening, having worked all week but still not quite finished. Pappa was looking for the most exciting stories to tell, and Moomintroll had insisted upon helping his mother finish the last of the goods that needed to be prepared, help which she graciously accepted. The hustle and bustle didn’t stay in the kitchen, as once things were in the oven it was time to clean, something which Moominpappa had a hand in. He’d insisted it would be too crowded were he to bake alongside them, but was easily persuaded to help take the dishes away and clean off the table so things could later be arranged and packaged.

 

“Oh, I do hope Snufkin decides to come,” Moomintroll said with a sigh, staring out the window as the family had finally caught a break.

“As do I, dear,” Moominmamma replied with a soft chuckle, giving him a gentle pat on the back before continuing on her way to the kitchen and make sure nothing was to burn.

“Mm, yes, it’d be nice if he were to come,” Moominpappa said, having returned to revisiting his writings. “Maybe his father will make an appearance too, I heard he might, and I’ve been eager to see him for a while, catch up. It’s hard to stay in touch when one’s run off so suddenly and so often.”

“That would be nice, to see him too. I haven’t met him I don’t believe, but you do have quite a few stories about him.” Moomintroll said, turning to see his father staring down at one of his pages with a fair bit of thought.

Moominpappa gave a nod, “He’s quite the character, I will say that.”

Out of the kitchen came Moominmamma with a tray of rolls, dumping them into a basket on the table. “Moomintroll, could you start getting everything out and on the table? I want to make sure we have enough of what we need.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Moomintroll says, rushing past and into the kitchen.

Moominmamma smiles at her son and wanders into the living room, sitting down in her rocking chair across from her husband. “And how are you doing?” She asks.

“Oh, perfectly well.”

“No revisions necessary? Have you found what you want to entertain people with?”

“Yes, yes, everything’s fine… I’m quite the mastermind, you know,”

Moominmamma nods and smiles. “Of course I know. I just want to check. You were talking about the Joxter earlier?”

“Ah, yes. I heard he might be around, and I hoped that he would stay long enough that I might be able to see him tonight.”

“Well, that would be just wonderful.”

“Indeed.”

 

The two sat in a comfortable silence for a bit, at least silence between the two of them, in the next room Moomintroll was chattering excitedly to himself, rustling things about and setting them down, stopping to count, things of the like. Moominmamma occasionally would let a soft laugh escape her when her son managed to be loud enough to be understood, and Moominpappa would look up in the direction of the dining room with a smile.

“Do you need any help, dear?” Moominmamma called, rising from her seat.

“N-no!” A clatter of plates came as the young troll spoke, clearly trying to hide some sort of distress.

Moominmamma laughs and gently nuzzles her husband’s cheek with her snout. “Good luck with the tales, dear,” She said, before going to help their son.

 

As the sun rose higher and higher in the sky, the dining table got all the more crowded with goodies, being packed up and wrapped, set aside and put away to be transported later on. Moominmamma worked in the kitchen to make her family lunch while they did their best to ensure not a thing got left behind.

They ate in the living room, chatting about the day ahead of them. Everyone was excited and ready to see friends and share their hard work, even if there were some mishaps and accidents. After lunch they finished packing and went to occupy themselves other ways, Moominmamma cleaning up and ensuring nothing went left behind, Moomintroll going out to ask his friends if they planned to attend, and Moominpappa rehearsing his tales to his wife, who quite often would let out a laugh and let him know just how wonderful it all sounded. She’d heard each and every one ten times over if not more, but hearing the passion in Moominpappa’s voice as he told her things she could say word for word from memory herself was enough to make her want to hear it again and again. 

 

When the sun sat on the west end of the sky, the family rushed to get everything into baskets and wheelbarrows. Moomintroll danced about excitedly in the garden, hopping from one foot to the other and his tail wagging wildly. He bounded ahead of his parents quite a way, baskets of food on his arms as he went to pick pretty flowers and weave them into the holes. The particularly spectacular flora he grabbed would find themselves behind one of his mother’s ears, which twitched occasionally knowing her son was so happy.

Moominpappa would quietly flirt with her as their son went on ahead, telling her how much prettier she was than anything their son might ever find. Her cheeks would turn pink each time before wrapping her tail around her husband’s, so very happy that this family happened to be her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoy! im working on the other chapters now but im going out of town p soon so if theres a break thats why. this isnt gonna be super long im just not sure how long each chapter will take me so!! b prepared for that if u want to follow this. please let me know what i can improve and what you liked, just try not to be mean or rude! aight anyways ✌ lov u!


	2. The Festivities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moominpappa sees some old friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by DigitalThespian’s Too Little, Too Late. This is where we get into the real meat of the idea >:3

The sky had turned purple with highlights of orange, the sun not yet gone but nestled among the mountains containing the valley. The family arrived in a field, with tables and chairs and other seating arrangements spread out on the edges and streamers and banners hung up across the trees welcoming everyone and reminding of the reason to attend; it’s midsummer! In the center of the clearing there sat a large bonfire, not yet lit, as that would be the star of the show once things really got started.

Some other residents of the valley were there as well, but just like the Moomins they were helping set up so others could enjoy it all, lighting candles and lanterns just in case the moonlight wasn’t enough. There was an area set aside for music and dancing, which Moomintroll seemed quite excited about. The family unloaded their goodies and set them on the tables, Moominmamma taking charge while the boys helped her along.

As the sun got lower and lower, and its light only shone out from its hiding place behind the peaks of the lonely mountains, more and more people arrived. Moomintroll was quick to join the festivities, while Moominmamma and Moominpappa greeted people as they showed up.

 

“Well dear, I do think I might be off to see if I can’t find any familiar faces,” Moominpappa said, having waited for the inflow of people to slow before he went off on his own.

“That’s quite fine dear, try not to get too many adoring fans while you’re off telling your stories, hm?”

Moominpappa laughed, “I can try, certainly. I love you,” he says, pushing his snout against Moominmamma’s and rubbing them together.

She smiles, “I love you too.”

 

Moominpappa heads off to a more quiet area of the festival, where people are simply sitting and talking, somewhere where others can hear him speak, and he can hear himself too. He sits and talks with strangers and friends alike, though no one in Moominvalley is truly a stranger, just not quite as close as some others. He shares his stories, all too enthusiastically making himself the star of the show in each one, even if that’s not quite how it went.

He goes on and on, and people come and go. Everyone knows about Pappa’s memoirs, but how could he plan to write a book if he gave away everything that came within it for free? Not that it mattered, he was a humorous and exciting man to talk to- no, not talk to- listen to.

Moominpappa was standing on a chair, one foot on the table and posing dramatically as he spoke, “Then, out of the darkness, there came this horrible, wretched, vile thing. It crept up closer and closer, eyes piercing and teeth sharp, it was almost upon us when we finally realized it was-”

“Ah, Moomin?”

“Joxter?!”

Moominpappa stopped his tale and whipped around to his old friend, a sleepy and mischievous Mumrik wearing a red hat. “Joxter!” He called again, jumping down from his self made pedestal and rushing to see him. “It’s been forever, how are you?” He asked, adjusting his tophat and smiling at him.

“Oh you know, the usual. Exploring, finding places to be where others are sure I don’t belong,” the Joxter explains, grinning at Moominpappa. “And yourself?”

“Oh, I’ve been quite wonderful. Writing my memoirs and going on the occasional adventure, it’s quite a nice life to be living.”

Joxter nods, “Sounds so. You really should tell me about your more recent adventures, the ones I wasn’t a part of. I’d be interested in knowing what I’ve missed out on,” he says, placing a hand on Moominpappa’s shoulder and guiding him away from the crowd he’d amassed. He knew the other would be able to rebuild it later with ease, and that Moominpappa was much more interested in talking to the Mumrik than the group anyway.

Moominpappa was ready to share his stories and talk, he hadn’t prepared the stories that he was asked to tell, but was enthusiastic nonetheless. Sometimes he would pause- change his mind, rephrase or completely change details, but the Joxter thought him amusing and enjoyed it still, getting to tell plenty information of his own.

 

“Have you seen the Mymble, Moomin?” Joxter asked.

“Huh?- Oh, right, the Mymble…” Moominpappa sighed quietly and looked around across the field. “I see some of her kids, but not…”

“Joxter! Moominpappa! How nice to see you both!” A voice called from not only behind, but above them. The boys turned and the Mymble approached, her many children not nearby even if only for a moment.

“Speak of the devil,” Joxter commented, grinning up at her. “How’re you?”

“Just fine. The kids are having a wonderful time, and so am I. I’ve missed you in your absence, Joxter,” she smiles. “Not to mention you, Moominpappa!” she says, moving towards him. “I do love visiting your home when the time allows, I hope we can do it again soon,”

“Oh, oh yes, so do I,” Moominpappa lies, rather smoothly. He did enjoy visiting with the Mymble, but her hoard of children was a riot…

 

Mymble and the Joxter talked together for a while, most of which Moominpappa wasn’t paying attention. Not that he was disinterested, he just didn’t have anything to say. Not to both of them at once, anyway. Eventually the idea to sit down and talk was brought up, to which they all agreed. Moominmamma even came too, stopping by to check in on Moominpappa and say hello to their friends. It was almost time to light the bonfire.

“Well, I truly have missed seeing you around,” said the Mymble, smiling fondly at Joxter.

Moominpappa nodded, “Oh, so have I. It’s nice talking to you again, getting to visit and remember old times,” he adds.

The Joxter nods, his tail raised high behind him. “It is quite nice to have some people with whom I can speak about myself freely, so I can’t disagree. This reunion has been fun.”

In the center of the clearing a hemulen called out for everyone’s attention, a hush went over most and it was announced that the bonfire would be lit in a few minutes. The Joxter took the Mymble’s hand and turned back to Moominpappa, “We’ll be back shortly.” With that he took the Mymble away from the table and towards the bonfire to watch.

Moominpappa had no interest in heading over himself, he’d watched it a million times and it’s so large that moving isn’t really necessary. He supposed he could see the interest, and scanning over the field many others wanted to do the same. He sighed to himself and watched, and soon people began chanting down from 10 for the fire to be lit. As they reached zero, the wood pile caught fire and they broke out into cheers, celebrating the shortest night of the year. But Moominpappa wasn’t quite so interested in the fun of the moment, as something else caught his eye.

While the fire rose high in the sky, he watched the silhouettes of Mymble and Joxter sharing a kiss, and Moominpappa’s tail slowly lowered onto the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as per usual pls lmk what I can improve and what you enjoyed! I don’t write often but I rly enjoy it so I know I’m not perfect but I wanna get better!


	3. Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moomintroll spends time with Snufkin while Moominpappa makes poor decisions.

Moominpappa’s ears flattened beneath his hat as he watched the two, his tail on the ground and thoughts stopping just to take it in. His world seemed to slow as he stared, he’d been too cowardly when they were younger and now this is where it left him… Stupid Moomin, too scared, too hopeful, the stars in his eyes far too bright to see what would be just ahead…

He let out a sigh and shook his head, rising from his seat. Moping about wouldn’t do him any good, reminiscing on the past… He heads to the bar, hoping maybe he could pick his party spirit right back up with a little bit of help.

 

Moomintroll was one of many who went to see the bonfire up close before wandering off again, having a wonderful time but beginning to get a little bored. He sits down in the grass along the edge of the field, leaning against a tree with a soft sigh and resting his eyes. 

“Hello, Moomin, how’re you?”

Moomintroll opens his eyes and sees Snufkin standing right before him and he smiles, “Good! How’re you Snufkin? I didn’t think you would come!”

“I wasn’t sure if I would or not, but I thought I should at least stop by. You seem to be enjoying yourself,” he says with a small grin, offering him a hand.

“Oh, I’m just a little bored, not sure what to do.” Moomintroll stands with Snufkin’s help, dusting himself off. “How long do you plan on staying?” He asks, keeping hold of the other’s hand and staring into his eyes.

“Not too long, but maybe a little bit.”

“Would you like to do something together?”

“I don’t see why not,” Snufkin says with a small nod. “Any ideas?”

“Oh, well, would you be opposed to dancing with me, Snufkin?” Moomintroll asks, his tail flicking behind him.

Snufkin hesitates, looking across the area set aside for just that, “I don’t know Moomin, it looks pretty busy over there…”

“Oh, but we can just go somewhere where there’s not really anyone around! Would that help?..”

“.. Possibly.”

“Well we can at least try, right? If you don’t like it you just let me know!” Moomintroll says, before pulling Snufkin along around the edges of the party, slightly into the forest surrounding them. 

After finding a space where they had space to move and could still hear the music, Moomintroll let go of his friend’s hands and spun around in excitement. “How about here? Is this alright?”

Snufkin nods, “I believe so. How would you like to go about this, Moomin?” He asks.

“Well, first, I you stand there, and I.. stand here,” he says, pointing vaguely before taking Snufkin to put him into place. “Then.. um..”

Snufkin takes both of Moomintroll’s paws, separating the troll’s fingers with his own. “This, perhaps?”

Moomintroll looks up at Snufkin, his cheeks turning pink. He nods, staring into the other’s eyes. “Y-yes, I believe so.. And then we, um,” He takes a step back, leading Snufkin to follow by keeping the distance between them consistent through their arms. Soon enough the both of them pick up the flow and movements of the other, and begin to step and circle around in their small area.

Moomin smiled and stared at Snufkin, mesmerized by the way the moonlight touched Snufkin’s skin, especially his sharp nose, and the way his shaggy hair framed his face. His freckles were like stars, and Moomin was happy to try to map all the constellations he could granted he got the time. His brown eyes easily melted Moomin’s heart, and everything about him was simply too wonderful to be true. Moomintroll gave a content sigh and watched Snufkin smile, he was oh so glad that Snufkin hadn’t refused his request.

 

Moominpappa’s plan hadn’t worked out how he expected it to. He was hoping, maybe with a few drinks, he might feel better, loosen up again, be able to get back into the spirit of things with ease!... But not quite. Moominmamma pulled him aside to check in on him, he hadn’t seemed well. She’d seen him get a drink or two as the night went on while he told stories, but the consistency of late had become concerning.

“Are you feeling alright, dear?”

“I wouldn’t say so, no, but I should be just fine soon-”

Moominmamma shook her head, “No, no. What’s wrong?”

“Just.. Mymble, n’ Joxter, n..” He trails off, looking around for the couple so she could see what he meant.

“I see.. Do you know where Moomintroll is, then? We should get you home if you’re not feeling like yourself.”

Moominpappa shook his head, “I’ll be fine, promise, I’m fine..”

“You and I both know that’s just not true. I’m going to look for Moomintroll, you sit and rest. I’ll be back soon,” she says, gently rubbing her snout against his before heading off for their son.

 

Snufkin and Moomintroll eventually rejoined the party, sitting at a table and talking happily. Moomin’s cheeks were pink and his elbows propped up on the table, tail wagging and his feet dangling idly, his head rested in this hands as he listened closely to what Snufkin had to stay. 

“Moomintroll!” Moomin turned to see his mother approaching. “Moomintroll, we need to be heading off.”

“Oh- um, why so suddenly?” He asks.

“You’re father got a bit too excited, I wanted to take him home before he got sick.”

“Okay.. I- um…” He turns to Snufkin and gives a bit of an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry, Snufkin! But it’s been nice seeing you, but hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Snufkin nods and smiles, “Hopefully. Have a good evening Moomin, Moominmamma,” he says, giving a small tip of his hat to them each.

Moominmamma takes Moomintroll’s hand and smiles at Snufkin, “You too, dear.” Moomintroll waved goodbye to Snufkin, then Moominmamma lead the way back to Moominpappa.

When they arrived and Moominmamma went to give a few last short goodbyes, Moomintroll looked over his father. His ears were pressed down and his tail stayed flat on the ground, holding his hat tightly in his hands and leaning on a tree a ways from the festival. Moomintroll wasn’t convinced that Pappa had gotten _excited_ , exactly…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for reading! inspired by Too Little, Too Late by DigitalThespian. hope u enjoyed, lmk what to improve and what u liked! im going out of town tomorrow so i can't promise there will be updates until i get back next week. we'll see though!


	4. Just Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moomintroll eavesdrops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry this is late, i'm out of town! i started "Careful, Now" to fill the time between appointments because i could go a lot looser with that one, no outline or plans y'see! but i do have plans for THIS, so...
> 
> this took a bit despite all my free time, i kept wanting to write for my other fic bc i wasn't in the mood, and then i read some angst and was ready to write this one, lol  
> but, if you find yourself wanting some softer, happier content than my own, i recommend "Letters From The Heart" by DigitalThespian! https://archiveofourown.org/works/19242721  
> after all, they were what inspired me to write this, AND gave me permission to do it, so it's only fair I promote their joxpappa work too, lol. (plus, they gave me a shoutout too, bless their heart!)
> 
> anyways, hope u enjoy!

Moominmamma led her family away from the festival, keeping Moominpappa close with an arm gently wrapped around him, and tails held together. Moomintroll followed behind, concerned certainly but especially confused… Moominpappa didn’t seem like himself, his tail only stopped from dragging with Mamma’s and hands fidgetting, constantly squeezing each other. Every once in a while he would look back to the lights of the lanterns and bonfire through the trees, and his breathing would hitch before Mamma nuzzled against his cheek and turned him back to the path.

Something wasn’t right, but Moomintroll hadn’t a clue what. Obviously Pappa was upset, but that was rare, and it never seemed to bother him that much. Usually he was fine! But this wasn’t usually…

“... Are you okay, Pappa?” Moomintroll asked carefully, looking to see how his father would respond to the question.

Moominpappa took a deep breath and gave a small nod, “Just fine, Moomintroll. I’m quite fine,” he lied. It was far too obvious; his exhale was shaky and he gripped at his paws tighter, but he refused to let himself break his cool now, not yet.

Moomintroll frowned and looked to Moominmamma, who gently shook her head. It wasn’t the time to push it, it was more important they got home.

 

The closer to home they got, the more Moominpappa seemed to lean more into Moominmamma’s embrace, and the more often she’d gently kiss his forehead and whisper to him things that Moomintroll couldn’t quite hear, but he supposed that was the point. The closer they were the less his father took steady breaths, the lower his tail rested in Mamma’s, the shakier his palms became. Sometimes he would try to assure his son he was fine, but would only force a laugh to hide watering eyes every time he tried to speak. Moomintroll only grew more worried each time. 

Once the tall blue house was in sight Moominpappa slowed to a stop, and Moominmamma gently rubbed his back. She gestured for Moomintroll to go on inside ahead of them, that they might be a moment… And so he did, he went inside and waited for his parents. He sat at the top of the stairwell and watched over the front door, tail flicking anxiously behind him and his feet swinging gently through the railing, pressing his snout against the bars while he waited.

After what felt like an eternity the front door opened, and Moominmamma came in with Moominpappa just behind her. His tail dragged along the floor, as did his gaze. Moominmamma led him through the living room before letting go of his hands, saying she was going to make tea and that he should sit down and rest. He simply leaned against the archway and said he’d be fine, that he was always fine. Moominmamma only shook her head and went into the kitchen.

Moomintroll watched, afraid to try to head down, that anything might send his Pappa over the edge. He heard a sniffle, and watched Moominpappa carefully remove his hat and tenderly look it over, gripping the brim tight. His breath hitched and he swallowed hard, gently stroking a hand over the fabric.

Then he broke. He tried to hold back his sobs, but Moomintroll could see his father’s frame shake with each one. His hands were unsteady, ears flat, tail tucked beneath him. He stepped toward the table and set his hat aside, holding himself up with his shaking arms as he leaned over it, letting the sudden flow of tears roll down then off his snout and into a puddle on the tablecloth.

Moominmamma was quick out of the kitchen and to take her husband in her arms, her embrace he practically fell into as he cried harder.

“I let him go,” he said. “I- I never once tried to say anything- I just- he- I-“

Moominmamma tucked her husband’s head beneath her own, gently stroking his back and holding him close. She looked up the stairwell to find Moomintroll staring wide-eyed, and she gestured for him to shoo, go away. This wasn’t the time to be watching. He didn’t intend to obey, though, pulling his legs out from between the rails slowly, trying to delay his leave. 

“I never said a word- I always meant to but-“ Moominpappa cried even harder, burying into Mamma’s fur. “He- he seemed so happy, after meeting Mymble… I couldn’t… The way he smiled at her, and prattled on about her… I couldn’t do it- I wanted him to love me and I was too late, too much of a coward to let him know how I felt- Too much a coward to tell him I loved him- I- I just-“ he broke into sobs, near bringing himself to the floor. Moominmamma helped him into a chair and spoke softly to him, but Moomintroll couldn’t make it out over his father’s tears.

 _The Joxter?... That’s what’s gotten Pappa so upset?_ Moomintroll thought to himself, carefully rising to his feet. His ears laid back, he’d never seen Pappa this way, what was he to do? How could he help. Moominmamma looked up to him, then glanced to the kitchen. Right, the tea. Moomintroll made his way down the stairs and slipped into the kitchen.

 _Pappa loved the Joxter…_ Moomintroll poured the tea Mamma had made into the cups she’d set out as well, one for each of them, even Moomintroll. He supposed she didn’t really expect him to leave… He brought out the mugs for his parents, finding they’d moved to the living room and sat together on the couch. Pappa wasn’t crying nearly as hard, but stayed close to Moominmamma, her warm embrace clearly doing much of the work for his heartbreak. Moomintroll offered them their cups and Moominpappa took it hesitantly, gripping at the warmth tightly. Moominmamma gestured for Moomintroll to set hers on the table before nuzzling her husband’s cheek gently.

“Moomintroll,” she started, “if you could please take your tea now and go to your room, it would be much appreciated.” Her voice was soft, but Moomin knew that at this point he should listen.

 

Moomintroll stared out his window and sipped his tea, it was late now, the festival was almost over. He had a pit in his stomach, thinking about his father. How long had he loved him? How often did he think about this; how long had he kept it to himself? He supposed maybe he hadn’t, Mamma seemed fully aware of what was wrong the entire time, nothing shocked her about it, she only wanted Pappa to feel better. But maybe that was all? Maybe she didn’t know, maybe she was only trying to comfort him, and provide comment later… He hoped things would be okay.

The door slowly opened, and he turned to see Moominmamma. She spoke in a whisper, “Your father is just fine, he’s gone to bed now. Are you okay, Moomintroll?”

“... Did you know?”

“Of course, dear. I’ve known for quite a long time now; he’s never tried to be dishonest on the matter.” She entered the room and came to kneel beside him at the window. “Things will be alright, he’s just… sad,” she explained with a sigh. “Joxter meant- and, well, still does mean a lot to him.”

“I didn’t think anyone could be that upset…”

“Yes, well… Love is tricky, and the results of it can last a lifetime, positive or negative.”

“Will Pappa be okay?”

“Yes, yes. He just needs time, seeing the Joxter and the Mymble be so close again just struck a chord. He’ll be alright. Now then, you should go to bed.” She rose from the floor and gently kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Moomintroll. Try not to worry about Pappa too much, okay?”

Moomintroll gave a nod, “I’ll try... Goodnight, Mamma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok! so! hopefully the final chapter (i know...) will be out before next week, but i am like- getting surgery thursday so??? the appointments in preparation for that start tomorrow and i know i tend to feel AWFUL afterwards so i wouldn't like... plan on it. careful now may be getting more updates still, simply because there's not a strict plan i have for it. well, that, and its a feel good fic, so it's lighter on my palette. angst is a little hard on me when im already emotional from medical issues...  
> luckily ill be able to leave the hospital friday if everything goes according to plan, so the beginning of next week might be the longest that ch5 takes to come out.
> 
> ANYWHO, hope u liked it, lmk what was good or bad, what to fix n so on. lov yall!


	5. Prevention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moominpappa tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it folks...hope u've enjoyed!

Morning came and the young Moomin stared out over his room. The light streaming through his window was dulled from the grey clouds above, even nature respecting the tense and quiet atmosphere of the usually lively house. 

Moomintroll made his way downstairs to find his father sitting at the table, staring into his coffee cup. His ears laid flat against his head and his hat sat at the table, his tail sitting on the floor gently tucked beneath the chair. He had a blanket laid out on the chair back behind him, and seemed entirely lost in his own thoughts.

Moomintroll carefully made his way past as not to disturb him and into the kitchen, where Moominmamma was cooking pancakes as usual. She looked up to her son and gave a warm smile, “Good morning, dear. How did you sleep?”

“Alright, and you?”

“Pappa and I slept just fine, he’s just in a bit of a state right now… You could talk to him if you’d like, I imagine he might like to explain it to you himself instead of having you wonder about it yourself. I’d offer, but it’s up to him what he wants you to hear. Try not to push on any particular area too hard though, he’s… Fragile,” she explains, checking the underside of the cakes carefully before beginning to flip them over. “Good luck with him, dear,” she says, gently nuzzling his cheek before returning her full attention to other duties around the kitchen.

Moomintroll sighed and came back out, Moominpappa hadn’t moved at all hardly, but now he was staring out the window instead of his own reflection. Moomintroll hesitantly sat down beside him. “Pappa?”

“Mm?” Moominpappa looked over, brought out of thought.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, yes, yes… I’m fine. These things happen, I suppose.” He sat himself up so he wouldn’t be so far over his mug. His voice was quieter and raspier than usual. “Yourself?”

“I’m fine, just worried about you, I guess. Can I do anything for you?”

“...No, not a thing. I appreciate it though.”

A silence fell over them, and Moominpappa returned his gaze to the clouds outside. Moomintroll joined him.

“Do you suppose it might rain today?” Moomintroll asked.

“No, but I don’t imagine the clouds will part any time soon.”

“... Pappa?”

“Yes, Moomintroll?”

“What happened last night? Or- before then, even… Why were you so upset?”

Moominpappa turned back to his son, who looked into his eyes with growing worry. He forced a smile, “Oh, it’s… I just…” He sighed and let the fake smile fade. He stared into the table cloth and scratched at it gently with his finger. “When the Joxter and I went on adventures together, I grew quite fond for him. I never really grew out of it is the problem…”

“I see… Are you okay? For sure?”

“Yes, I-... Sometimes, even though you know better, your heart aches. And, when a heart aches, it’s very hard to get past, especially when you’re at fault.”

“How are you at fault?”

“Not courageous enough. I had ample time to do something with my feelings, to admit them. We travelled together for quite a long time. I was just never brave enough; I thought that I might always have enough time. Eventually your time to do things does run out though…” Moominpappa sighed and stared at the grey sky. Moomintroll waited patiently for his father to continue, even while he was upset he enjoyed the theatrics of storytelling. _At least he hasn’t lost himself in the midst of this._

“When The Joxter met The Mymble, they weren’t in love yet, but I very much was. I thought certainly things between them won’t build and grow, and when I feel ready then I can tell the Joxter all my feelings, and he might even feel them in return. I- I was wrong, of course, it wasn’t long before she was all he had time for. Yes, adventures still happened, but… They weren’t the same, not at all. He’d fallen just as in love for her as I was for him, but he had the guts to tell her. I never had those; at least, not the ones to tell him. So I never did, and, as happy as I am for them both…” He sighed and rubbed at his eyes before turning to Moomintroll and giving him a very serious look.

“It could’ve been me. If I had spoken up- if I had done something- anything, really- to let the Joxter know how I felt, well… I could be out there, with him. I wouldn’t have this awful feeling in my gut, the horrible emptiness in my heart when I think about him, when he happens to plague my thoughts… Certainly I love your mother still, but a fulfilling love doesn’t haunt you, it’s the ones that hurt that stay the longest in your mind, it seems. I know that your mother loves me, because I had the guts to do something about it. I had learned from my mistakes, but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt me still…”

“I- Moomintroll…” He sighed and placed a gentle hand atop his son’s. “I don’t want you to feel the same way I have, for a long time. Some days it’s better, and some days it is so much worse. I don’t want you to feel this way, so you have to make a promise to me, okay?”

Moomintroll gave a careful nod. “Of course.”

“You- you need to promise me that you won’t be scared when things come around, okay? When you start to think you understand how you feel, and connect all the dots and signs that your mind has presented for you, you need to promise you won’t be scared to take a chance, alright?”

Moomintroll squeezed his father’s paw and nodded, but didn’t truly understand… He had to be talking about romantic endeavors, but he was already dating Snorkmaiden… That was already taken care of.

Moominpappa sighed, “Just… Keep this in your head for a day you might need to use it. I could have had the Joxter, and you very well could feel the same way I do one day. I just want to stop the heartache before it happens.”

“Of course, Pappa…I-... I’ll try not to let fear get the best of me…” Moomintroll said, wrapping his arms around his father in a hug.

“Thank you,” Moominpappa whispered, burying his snout in his son’s shoulder. _At least,_ he thought, _I can say I tried._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic was a delight to write and yet another thank you to DigitalThespian for letting me do it.
> 
> i'm excited to get to work on my next project while "Careful Now" continues to be an idle pass time. i want to keep writing things of substance, and this is my first try! i hope it was good, i certainly liked it. any suggestions, thoughts, and comments are much appreciated.
> 
> thank you again for reading all the way through! love you all! <3


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